I kind of let myself down today.
I met up with my video games society, which is, surprise surprise, comprised 100% of male members (apart from me). Our usual room had been taken from us without warning so we decided to hang out with the tabletop games society, where we played Werewolves.
There was a guy who I never really spoke to before.. in fact, I don't even really recall seeing him. Maybe it's because I'm usually playing TF2, L4D, or Minecraft most of the time I'm there. Anywho, he seemed to take interest in me. A lot of interest. A LOT.
I had a bottle of cider with me, as the bulk of my exams have passed and I felt I needed to celebrate a bit. Being an incredibly talkative and inappropriate person, I blurted out "I shouldn't be drinking this". ("Whyever not?") "I'm on a date rape drug, ha" (which is true, and I don't really keep it a secret. I tend to joke about it a lot).
Throughout the evening, the guy kept playfully taking away my bottle. At first I thought it was just all jokey and all that, but later on in the evening he said, in a very worried and caring way, "Are you alright? You're going very red" (referring to my alcohol intake, yet again). I'm not used to people being worried for me, so I'm not really sure how to take it. Was he flirting? I dunno. It didn't help that he kept rubbing his leg against mine, whether this was accidentally or not...
This isn't my main concern, though. As the evening went on, this guy, and another, gave me a shitload of attention; again, I'm not used to attention. At one point they lifted my chair up and carried me around, which was fun at the time, but... it just made me think of all those times when I would see guys flirting and messing around with giggling girls, who would be the centre of attention, and how I would half-jealously, half-disgustedly look on, and promise myself not to let myself become one of "those types of girl".
Until recently, I used to be a flat blob of a person (I can't say 'girl' as I had once or twice openly been mistaken for a guy), and the kind of person who would hide behind the wallflower. Now, after developing into a moderately acceptable person, I've suddenly been given attention and I don't know what to make of it. I kind of hate myself for it; this isn't who I am, or rather, who I was. Furthermore I'm concerned that people will think I'm 'easy' or whatever, as I read somewhere that girls who tend to laugh with people more are often perceived as having more sexual partners (for the record, I've only had one, and I'm still in a perfect relationship with him).
I dunno. Maybe I'm overthinking this. I tend to do that.
Maybe admitting I'm on a date rape drug was a bad decision. Maybe.